Are you looking for deep questions to ask your partner?
While you might have heard of the phrase “Curiosity killed the cat,” curiosity actually breathes life into relationships. So many things make up a happy, healthy relationship, including trust, respect, honesty, and great communication, but one of the things people often overlook is the spirit of wonder.
An article by The Harvard Gazette mentions how retaining genuine curiosity about your partner is important.
You don’t know everything, even when you feel like you do.
Recognizing that there may be things you don’t know about them and don’t know them inside and out will help keep that spark alive. It also involves making sure you spend enough time apart so you can stay curious about each other as well.
The time is well worth it.
Spending time exploring each other’s thoughts and feelings and building that emotional intimacy could allow you as a couple to connect more deeply. Relationships become more sustainable long-term when you actively nurture this intimacy by talking about your relationship.
One of the best ways to do this is by creating dialogue that encourages this through fun couples’ questions that might not be overly serious but remain meaningful. Let’s go through some prompts that will help awaken that curiosity and bring about some conversation.
Identity and self-reflection questions
Dive into your partner’s core values, beliefs about themself, and how they see the state of their life.
- What are your top three values in life?
- What is one thing you would change about yourself?
- Where do you see yourself in five years?
- What’s your favorite way to wind down and relax?
- In what ways have you grown since we’ve been together?
- What is your biggest insecurity?
Dreams and aspirations questions
Understand your partner’s deepest desires and aspirations and use this to inform your goals as a couple. Sharing certain goals with your partner can help you strengthen your relationship.
- If you could be doing anything right now, what would it be?
- What’s your biggest goal in life?
- What has been your proudest accomplishment so far?
- What is your dream vacation?
- What is one of your short-term goals?
Life-experience questions to ask your partner
Questions relating to life experiences can offer a little glimpse into your partner’s past – a past that has shaped their present. When you understand your partner’s past better, it can improve empathy and understanding for them in ways you never expected.
- How has life been different than what you imagined?
- What’s the funniest story from your childhood?
- What is your earliest memory?
- What is your biggest regret?
- If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?
- What did you think your life would be like when you were older?
- What perceptions did you have about your parents’ marriage?
Would-you-rather questions
While “would you rather” questions typically form the basis of a fun game, they can also be an effective way to deepen connections. These questions force us to make polarizing choices and thus give us better insight into what our partner prefers or values.
- Would you rather spend the holidays with your family or mine?
- Would you rather be able to speak every language or be able to speak to animals?
- Would you rather be famous or rich?
- Would you go to a sports game or a concert together?
- Would you rather go whale watching or swim with dolphins?
- Would you rather go out to a fancy dinner or have a picnic?
- Would you rather retire somewhere tropical or in the big city?
General relationship questions
Asking questions about the relationship between the two of you will help develop a better understanding of each other’s perceptions. Research by the Gottman Institute has shown that emotionally intelligent couples are more intimately familiar with each other’s worlds, making these questions crucial to a happy relationship.
- What is your favorite memory of our relationship thus far?
- What is your love language?
- What do you think would make our relationship stronger?
- In what ways can I love you better?
- Do you think we share the same vision of our future?
- What draws you to me as a partner?
- Do you believe in soulmates?
- What turns you on most about me?
- What do you think is one of my best qualities?
- What’s the first thing you noticed about me?
- Where would be your ideal place to retire?
- What does your ideal date look like?
- What is the number one thing on your gift wishlist?
Good sex-related questions
Approaching the topic of sexual intimacy can transform the way you satisfy your partner and improve sexual satisfaction — as long as you ask the right things.
As couples with less sexual communication report more sexual problems, these questions can be a game-changer in your relationship.
- What was your first sexual experience like?
- Where are your favorite places to be touched?
- What time of day do you prefer to have sex most?
- Is there anything new you want to try in the bedroom?
- Do you have any sexual fantasies?
- Do you have a favorite sexual memory of us?
Fun questions
And, of course, playful and fun questions to ask your partner have the chance to spark up some laughter, romance, and intimacy!
- If we went to a costume party, what would we dress up as?
- What weird habits do I have?
- What crime would you most likely be arrested for?
- What TV character would you compare me to and why?
- What’s the most embarrassing photo you have of me?
- What would be my food fight item of choice?
Deep Questions About Relationships
Whether you’ve been together for a month or a year, there are some deeper questions for couples.
These are the types of questions you ask your boyfriend or girlfriend to help strengthen your bond.
Of course, views on marriage and family are in there!
51. Do you want to have kids?
52. Do you want to get married?
53. What does your perfect future look like?
54. Do you practice religion, and if so, which one?
55. What is your favorite memory from childhood?
56. What is your worst memory from childhood?
Controversial Relationship Questions
Moving from deep to important but potentially upsetting, there are some controversial questions you can ask you partner to help you know everything about them.
It’s best to ask these if you have been together for a few months rather than asking straightaway. If you find the answers difficult, then it may be worth seeing a relationship therapist.
57. What are your thoughts on open relationships?
58. What are your thoughts on gender roles in a relationship?
59. If we got married, what is your view on prenuptial agreements?
60. What are your views on fidelity and cheating?
61. How do you handle jealousy?
62. How important is political compatibility to you?
63. What is your view on pregnancy termination?
Tough Relationship Questions
Lastly, there will always be questions that you simply have to know the truth behind what your partner thinks if you will have a long-term relationship with them.
If asked properly, this can start meaningful conversations, build trust, and improve communication between you and your partner.
64. Do you still have feelings for your ex?
65. Is there something about me that you wish you could change?
66. Are you happy in this relationship? If not, what can be changed?
67. Do you think we are heading in the right direction with our relationship?
68. Do you feel there are any unresolved issues in our relationship?
69. Do I make you happy in this relationship?
70. Are there any boundaries you want to set?
Remember, answering these questions honestly can help to maintain a strong relationship and promote better communication.
If you feel that these questions cause tension or showcase that your partner has changed unfavorably in your eyes since you first met, seek the help of a relationship counselor or a couples therapist.
Deepening Bonds with Cupla
Not only will these questions keep the conversation flowing, but they’ll also help deepen your understanding of your partner. From understanding their aspirations and fears to exploring their values, likes, and dislikes, there are so many areas of life to ask questions about that may end up in laughter, tears, or a hug.
Don’t let busy schedules or daily routines sidetrack these incredibly important moments. Consider downloading Cupla, an app specifically designed for couples to connect and spend quality time together. With a date night planner, in-app chat, shared calendar, and color-coded to-do list feature, you’ll be sure to always make time for one another.
Download the app and start your free trial today!
