Setting goals together

Free guide

A process for setting goals you’ll both back, and a checklist to test them against.

6 steps · free

Set aside an hour. Work through the steps in order, check what you end up with against the list below, then write your final goals in the Annual. Your goals can be big or small, serious or novel. Backing each other’s goals counts.

Identifying your goals

The same process can be used for individual and shared goals.

  1. Look back before you look forward

    What gave you energy last year, and what drained it? What did you keep saying “one day” about? Your best goals are usually hiding in the answers.

  2. Scan every part of your life

    Health, work, money, home, family and friends, growth, fun, and the two of you. Where is the gap between where you are and where you want to be widest?

  3. Ask why until it matters

    For each idea, ask “why do I want this?” a few times over. If you reach something you care about, keep it. If the answer is “I should”, let it go.

  4. Choose a few

    Pick one to three that matter most. Fewer goals get more of your attention, and the rest can wait for next year.

  5. Make it concrete

    Decide what done looks like, when it should be done by, and the first step you could take this month.

  6. Plan for what gets in the way

    Name the most likely obstacle, then decide now what you’ll do when it shows up: “If we miss a week, we’ll pick it up on Sunday.”

What makes a good goal

Check every goal against this list before it goes in the book.

The SMART framework

Specific
You could say exactly what you’re going to do.
Measurable
You’d know when it’s done.
Achievable
It’s sized to the year, given what each of you is carrying.
Relevant
You want it, and you can say why in one sentence.
Time-bound
It has a deadline, and a first step you could take this month.

Joint goals, also

  • Both of you want it; one of you isn’t just agreeing to keep the peace
  • Clear on who does what
  • Leaves room for each other’s individual goals

Individual goals, also

  • Your partner knows what it will cost in time, money or energy
  • Your partner knows how to back it

From vague to clear

Most first drafts are a direction rather than a goal. Make each one something you could tick off.

  • Get fitRun a 10k together in October
  • Save moreSave $10,000 for a house deposit by December
  • Spend more time togetherOne phone-free dinner every week
  • Learn somethingFinish beginner Spanish before the Spain trip

Why this works

Specific, challenging goals lead to better results than vague intentions or “do your best”.1 That’s why the checklist starts with knowing when a goal is done.

Picturing the goal and then naming what stands in the way makes people more likely to follow through than picturing success alone.2 It’s the thinking behind “Obstacles we see coming” in the Annual.

  1. 1Locke, E. A. and Latham, G. P. Building a practically useful theory of goal setting and task motivation. American Psychologist, 2002.
  2. 2Oettingen, G. Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation. 2014.