The Twelve
Free guideIdeas for every date theme in The Couples Annual. Find one you’re both excited about, then write it on your page.
12 themes · 228 ideas · free
The Dreaming Date
22 ideas
The corner table with no time limit
A wine bar or dessert spot where you can spread out. Book early enough that nobody wants the table back, order in stages, and write between courses.
$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyDessert, music, and the book open
Something sweet, the good speakers on, phones in another room, kitchen table. No ambition beyond filling pages.
$IndoorAt homeChildcare-friendlyThe long drive, one writing
One drives, one writes. A few hours in the car with nowhere to be is the best uninterrupted talking either of you will get. Pull over somewhere good for lunch.
$OutdoorOutChildcare-friendlyCook something that takes all evening
Something slow with standing-around time. Write between stages rather than after, so the dreaming happens in gaps rather than in one sitting.
$IndoorAt homeChildcare-friendlyDream somewhere you’ll remember dreaming
Fold it into a night away. Where you wrote the list becomes part of the list.
$$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyAlso works for The Away Date
The Learning Date
22 ideas
A beginners’ class at a local club
Climbing, archery, table tennis, lawn bowls. Clubs run come-and-try nights constantly, they cost almost nothing, and nobody there expects you to be any good.
$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyThe competence night
Pick three things neither of you can do: sharpen a knife, read a wine list, use the good camera properly. Watch the videos, do all three, finish with dinner. The list is the date.
$IndoorAt homeChildcare-friendlyA guided walk with someone who knows
Foraging, birdwatching, street art, local history. Someone teaches you both something about a place you thought you knew.
$$OutdoorOutChildcare-friendlyThe whole-day one
Sailing, blacksmithing, woodworking, a day in a real kitchen. Pricey, worth it once a year, because a full day of being bad at something lands differently to an hour.
$$$OutdoorOutNot childcare-friendlyTeach yourselves a game properly
Backgammon, chess, cribbage, mahjong. Learn the real rules rather than the half-remembered ones, then play badly for a month.
$IndoorAt homeChildcare-friendly
The Adventure Date
25 ideas
Take the ferry to somewhere you’ve never bothered with
Pick the stop you always skip, get off, spend the day, come back. Cheap, easy, and nobody has to drive.
$OutdoorOutChildcare-friendlyClimb a real rock face
A guided day at an outdoor crag. Harnessed, instructed, and completely unlike a climbing wall once you’re on actual rock with the ground going away beneath you.
$$OutdoorOutNot childcare-friendlyThe dart-on-the-map day
Pick a point an hour or two away with no research, drive there, and work out what to do when you arrive. The not-knowing is the point.
$OutdoorOutChildcare-friendlyWalk in and stay the night
A proper overnight tramp. Packs on, a few hours in, a hut or tent at the end, everything you need on your back. The walk out the next morning is the best part.
$$OutdoorOutNot childcare-friendlyDo the thing that scares you
Paragliding, a canyon swing, a shark cage, a first scuba dive, ice climbing. Pick whichever one makes one of you go quiet, and book it.
$$$OutdoorOutNot childcare-friendly
The Away Date
22 ideas
The six-hour drive
Pick somewhere far enough that getting there is most of a day. Long drives are the best conversation either of you will have all year: no interruptions, nowhere to be, and the kind of talking that only happens side by side rather than face to face. Stay two nights so the driving is worth it.
$$OutdoorOutNot childcare-friendlyStay in your own city
Book a night somewhere central and be tourists where you live. No travel time, all of the elsewhere.
$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyHousesit for someone
Friends away, plants to water, a free house that isn’t yours. Costs nothing and ticks every box the theme asks for.
$IndoorOutChildcare-friendlyA night somewhere with no wifi
A remote cabin, a lighthouse keeper’s cottage, a farm stay. The absence of signal does more for the evening than the location does.
$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyThe sleeper or the overnight crossing
A ferry cabin, a night train, anything where the travelling is the accommodation. Novel, slightly uncomfortable, and memorable for exactly that reason.
$$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendly
The Active Date
25 ideas
Padel
The fastest-growing racquet sport in the world, and the one your friends have started talking about. Easier than tennis, played in pairs, and the court is small enough that you spend the whole hour laughing at each other.
$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyBorrow a dog and take it somewhere good
Sites like BorrowMyDoggy connect you with owners who need their dog walked. You get a long walk with a happy animal and no vet bills. Worth doing even if you have no interest in owning one.
$OutdoorOutChildcare-friendlyReformer Pilates, both of you
Book a beginners class. Quietly brutal, and funnier if neither of you has been.
$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyJoin a run club together
Most cities have one that ends at a bar rather than a car park. Social, free, and it turns a run into something you look forward to.
$OutdoorOutNot childcare-friendlyWalk somewhere with a hill in it
Not a stroll. Pick a route that makes conversation hard for twenty minutes, then finish somewhere with food.
$OutdoorOutChildcare-friendly
The Double Date
23 ideas
The couple you keep saying you should see
Everyone has one. Text them tonight, pick a date three weeks out, and make it the one you actually honour. The hardest part of this theme is never the activity.
$$IndoorOutChildcare-friendlyDouble date with people you don’t know well yet
The couple from the school gate, the neighbours, someone’s work friend. New couples are harder work and far more interesting than the old reliable ones.
$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyAn escape room as a foursome
You will learn more about all four of you in sixty minutes than over six dinners. Someone will take charge, someone will panic, and it will be discussed for years.
$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyHost a murder mystery
Buy a kit, assign characters, and make everyone commit properly. Four works, six is better if you can get a third couple. The ones who resist the costume at 7pm are always the ones still in character at midnight.
$IndoorAt homeChildcare-friendlyThe combined family day
Kids and all, somewhere outdoors, no pretending it’s a grown-up occasion. Lower stakes, and far easier to make happen.
$OutdoorOutChildcare-friendly
The Music Date
23 ideas
Go and see somebody you’ve never heard of
Pick a venue rather than an act, turn up for whoever is playing, and let a stranger’s band be the night. Small venues, cheap tickets, and occasionally you find something.
$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyKaraoke, just the two of you
A private booth so there’s no audience and no waiting. Two hours of this is far more fun than it has any right to be and neither of you has to be able to sing.
$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyListen in the dark
Blindfold theatre and dark concerts strip out sight so the music is all that’s left. If there isn’t one near you, recreate it at home: blindfolds, one album, no phones, nothing else happening. Hearing a record you know well with your eyes covered is a genuinely different experience.
$IndoorAt homeChildcare-friendlyAn orchestra, a choir, or a church organ
Something acoustic and loud in a room built for it. Cheap seats are usually fine and the physical volume of live classical surprises people who think they don’t like it.
$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyFollow the music out of town
Pick a gig in another city and make the trip the date.
$$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyAlso works for The Away Date
The Nostalgia Date
22 ideas
Read your old messages out loud
Scroll back to the first week and read them to each other, including the embarrassing ones. Most couples have never done this and it is almost always funnier and more affecting than expected.
$IndoorAt homeChildcare-friendlyGo back to your own childhoods
Each take the other to a place from before you met: the school gate, the street, the beach, the shop that’s now something else. Two trips, one day. Recreate a photo from back then while you’re there, same pose, same distance.
$OutdoorOutChildcare-friendlyThe arcade or the roller rink
Whatever you each spent your teenage weekends doing. Slightly tragic, entirely enjoyable, and you will both be worse at it than you remember.
$$IndoorOutChildcare-friendlyCook what your parents cooked
One dish each from the house you grew up in. Ring your mum for the method if you have to.
$IndoorAt homeChildcare-friendlyA night back where it started, properly
Return to the town or city, stay over, walk it at the same time of night.
$$$OutdoorOutNot childcare-friendlyAlso works for The Away Date
The Intimate Date
22 ideas
The long bath, properly set up
Not a quick soak. Hot water, something in it, the good towels warmed, drinks within reach, an hour with the door shut. Most couples own a bath they never use together.
$IndoorAt homeChildcare-friendlySpend an evening doing nothing but touching
No film, no phones, no conversation required. Sitting against each other on the sofa, feet in a lap, hands held, for as long as it lasts. Couples who have been together a decade do this less than couples who have been together a year, and it’s the thing most of them say they miss.
$IndoorAt homeChildcare-friendlyLearn massage from someone who can teach it
A couples massage workshop, or an hour with a therapist who shows you both what to do. Far better than guessing, and you keep the skill.
$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyAlso works for The Learning DateThermal pools or a bathhouse at night
Hot water outdoors in the dark, no phones possible, nowhere to be. Book the late session.
$$OutdoorOutNot childcare-friendlyCheck in somewhere mid-afternoon
The whole point is arriving while it’s still light and not leaving. Late checkout, nothing booked, no reason to be anywhere.
$$$IndoorOutNot childcare-friendlyAlso works for The Away Date
The Surprise Dates
These two have no idea pool of their own. They are defined by who plans it, not what it is, so any idea from the other ten themes works.
- The Dreaming Date
Walk first, write after
An hour walking and talking with no book at all, then write it down together at the end. Some couples dream better moving.
$OutdoorOutChildcare-friendly - The Away Date
Housesit for someone
Friends away, plants to water, a free house that isn’t yours. Costs nothing and ticks every box the theme asks for.
$IndoorOutChildcare-friendly - The Music Date
Watch Synthony
Orchestra meets dance music, played loud with a full string section and lights. Start with the sets on YouTube, then look for a live show. A note from us: Erika, who wrote this book, co-founded Synthony before Cupla, so this one is a little close to home.
$IndoorAt homeChildcare-friendly
For the planner
Plan for them, not for you. The most common failure is picking something you’ve been wanting to do. If you’re honestly unsure, it probably isn’t for them.
Use what you already know. Their answers in The State of Us. The things on The 100 that are theirs rather than yours. The thing they mentioned once in March and have never mentioned since. That last one is the gold.
Tell them two things and nothing else. What to wear, and when to be ready. Not the dress code of the place, not the direction of travel. People guess from almost nothing, so give them almost nothing.
Handle the logistics invisibly. Childcare, the booking, the petrol, the thing they’d normally organise. If they have to solve a problem on the night, you’ve handed the work back.
Spend the agreed amount. Going well over looks generous and isn’t. It makes the return date feel like a bar they have to clear.
Effort reads as attention. A transformed lounge and a meal they mentioned loving takes more thought than an expensive booking, and lands harder. Cost is not the signal. Being noticed is.
For the one being surprised
Say yes to all of it. The whole gift is not having to decide anything. Asking what it is, suggesting a small change, checking the restaurant online beforehand, all of it takes the thing you were given and hands it back.
Don’t guess out loud. Even if you’ve worked it out.